Harry Potter and the Overly Attached Girlfriend
by Hylian Triforce Wizard 394
Summary: After Ron and Harry attempt to fly a car to school, there are tragic lasting effects for Ron and Hagrid. They also meet a strange and suspicious girl who claims to be a psychic, can turn into animals and obsessively eats non-food objects.
1. A Somewhat Tragic Night

One day, on the train to Hogwarts, Hermione was unfortunate enough to meet a very odd sort of girl. Ron and Harry were not there because they had decided to fly a car to school instead.

It seemed that she had been walking around rather than finding a seat and had happened to poke her head into the very car that Hermione was sitting in all alone

"Hullo!" the girl said, in an overly cheerful voice. "Mind if I sit here?"

She spoke with an accent that sounded unlike that of most of the Hogwarts students, although it was difficult to place just where she could be from.

"Sure… since my friends seem to have abandoned me!" said Hermione.

"Great!" said the girl. "I'm Karmonie McReigner."

She talked so quickly, it sounded like "karmoniemcreigner" all squished together.

"Come again?" Hermione asked.

"KAR- MOH- NEE MICK-RAY-NER," said Karmonie.

"Oh, okay," said Hermione.

"But my full name is Karmonie Jeanella Kelly O'Brien McReigner," said Karmonie.

"Okay…" said Hermione.

"And now I will read this book," said Karmonie, opening a very large textbook that was clearly secondhand, judging by the wear. "Unless you'd rather talk?"

"Maybe a bit," said Hermione. "It depends on what particular subject that you'd be discussing."

"Well… I have two very lovable brothers," said Karmonie.

"I don't have any brothers," said Hermione.

"My brothers didn't want me sitting with them," said Karmonie. "They wanted to sit with these blonde girls. Why, I couldn't tell one girl from another. They looked _exactly_ the same. Do you think you know those girls?"

"Not a chance," said Hermione, disinterestedly.

"I have never seen anybody like them," said Karmonie.

"Well, maybe they were twins," said Hermione.

"Oh, okay," said Karmonie. "I'm a triplet, meself."

"You are?" Hermione asked. "I've never met a triplet before."

"Well, perhaps soon you'll know all three of us," said Karmonie. "But they probably won't tell you 'bout me and we's mainly separate. Their names are Cleverus and Cedarus."

"I'll keep that in mind," said Hermione.

That night, Ron was still driving the flying car with Harry in the passenger seat. Then, the car ran out of fuel. They were also very late for school.

"Oh no!" said Ron, who had been crying and sweating the whole time while driving.

The car was spinning out of control. Eventually, it plummeted downwards.

Then, they crashed into Hagrid.

Hagrid had already been dealing with a troublesome student who had run outside screaming because they were so traumatized by having the Sorting Hat on their head.

During the crash, Ron broke his neck.

That night, Karmonie ate no real food but instead somehow consumed an entire box of Band-Aids that she had smuggled in her purse. (Who knows why she had a purse.) After that, she went for Oreos that were also in there and even a travel sized toothbrush before she was escorted away from the table. By who? Not important.

Because Hogwarts had accepted an overwhelming number of girls that year, the dormitories were rearranged and Karmonie was placed in the same room as Hermione as well as Ron's sister Ginny.

It just so happened that there were SIX sets of identical twin girls! That's 12! And they were all from the same blended family.

Karmonie continued to display her odd mannerisms.

"Is it time for bed?" she asked.

"YES," said Hermione.

"WHY?!" Karmonie whined.

"Because you need to sleep!" said Hermione.

"I DON'T OWN PAJAMAS!" Karmonie whined.

"Then what on earth do you sleep in?" Hermione asked.

"Nothing," said Karmonie.

"That's not happening here!" said Karmonie.

"I'LL SLEEP IN MY UNDIES!" Karmonie yelled.

"Oh boy," said Hermione.

"You know, I typically sleep with a live animal in my bed," said Karmonie.

"That's not happening here," said Hermione.

"Usually my snake," said Karmonie. "His name is Slitherus. AND HE TALKS!"

"Okay, now you're being really weird," said Hermione.

"HE TALKS! IN ENGLISH!" Karmonie whined.

"Good night," said Hermione.

"Okay, good night," said Karmonie, turning to fall asleep.


	2. Nobody loves Snape

Since Harry was in big trouble the night before, he was not seen until the next day. Hermione let him sit next to her. Who knows why. Karmonie was on the other side of Hermione, in her personal space.

"What happened to you and Ron yesterday?" she asked.

"We were in a car accident," said Harry.

"WHAT?!" said Hermione.

"It was Ron's idea!" said Harry. "He's the one who drove the car! Well, actually, he flew it. And it crashed."

"Who's Ron?" Karmonie asked.

"Your boyfriend," said Hermione.

"OH BOY! I've always wanted a boyfriend," said Karmonie. "Where is he?" 

"Good question," said Hermione.

"HE'S DEAD!" Harry yelled.

"REALLY?!" said Hermione.

"Yes," said Harry.

"Why?!" Hermione cried.

"My boyfriend has died?" Karmonie asked.

"I think I would have known if he really had died!" said Hermione.

"Why so sad?" Karmonie asked, attempting to eat a metal spoon.

"SERIOUSLY, SOMEBODY DIED?!" Harry yelled.

"SILENCE!" yelled Dumbledore. "Nobody has died… yet."

"If someone does, it will be you!" said Karmonie, throwing her spoon across the hall.

"KARMONIE!" Hermione gasped.

"No worries," said Dumbledore. "My insurance will cover this."

"Insurance?" Karmonie asked.

"Yes, broomstick insurance. They have accident forgiveness, and if you get into an accident with your broomstick, they'll replace it with a newer model for free," said Dumbledore.

"What a loony," said Karmonie.

"Yeah, I don't get it either," said Harry.

"He must be drunk," said Fred Weasley, who is one of Ron's brothers.

"How does he run this school?" said Karmonie.

"He doesn't!" said Fred.

"You're kidding me," said Karmonie.

"Well, he's not usually this cuckoo," said Fred.

Later that day, Karmonie's inexcusably atrocious behavior continued.

Karmonie, Hermione, and Harry were chatting to the side in the hallway when ugly Snape walked by.

"HELLO, SIR!" Karmonie screamed.

Snape stopped walking.

"What do you want?!" he snapped.

"I love you!" Karmonie said.

Harry almost died from shock and embarrassment.

Hermione pulled Karmonie to the side and beat her.


	3. The Chapter of Stupid Injuries

"Good work, Miss Granger," said Snape, who then walked away.

"Wait! STOP! You can't beat people up!" said Harry.

"Actually, I can. I've known her for a while," said Hermione.

"How long is a while?" Harry asked.

Karmonie who, had been pushed to the ground got up and dusted off her uniform.

"Tennn minutessss," she said.

"YOU LIAR!" Hermione hissed, slapping Karmonie.

She then turned to Harry. "I had to share a bedroom with these freak last night!" she hissed.

"Freak? Is that what you think of me?" Karmonie shrieked.

"You slept in your underwear!" Hermione yelled.

"Is that your business?" Karmonie asked.

"It is when I have to see it!" said Hermione.

"Then keep your eyes closed while sleeping!" Karmonie snapped, stomping off.

When Harry and Hermione were in Snape's class later that day, they did not expect to see Karmonie in the classroom, and they didn't. Not until she seemed to have appeared out of thin air.

"Did you see her come in?" Hermione asked.

"No," said Harry.

"Awkward," said Fred.

Snape threw a book across the room. It hit Fred in the head.

"That's nice," said Fred. "After I already got hit in the eye with a stick."

"Did you really?" George asked. He was sitting next to Fred.

"Yes. You know I did. I told you about it," said Fred.

"SILENCE!" said Snape. "I'm tired of you two bozos always thinking my class is a chat room!"

"It is," said Fred, and Snape threw another book at him.

"What are you planning on doing with that cauldron, McReigner?" Snape asked, staring at Karmonie.

"Studying its chemical makeup," said Karmonie.

"How about putting that cauldron to use?" Snape asked.

"How about no," said Karmonie.

"Yes," said Snape.

Karmonie tipped the empty cauldron upside down and put it over her head.

Then she got up.

"Young lady, stop it now!" Snape yelled.

"I'm queen of the cauldron!" Karmonie yelled.

Snape pulled the cauldron off of Karmonie's head.

"What was that for?" Karmonie whined.

"Just do what I told you to do ten minutes ago!" said Snape.

"I can't remember," said Karmonie.

Snape threw a glass vial at Karmonie, who caught it.

"I think I'll drink this!" said Karmonie.

"You do and you will die," said Snape.

"But I don't wanna die!" Karmonie cried.

"Then don't drink it," said Snape..

Meanwhile Karmonie had finally followed the appropriate directions that Snape had issued more than ten minutes ago.

Then, she took a perfume bottle out of her pocket. "I wonder what happens if I put this in!" she said.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Snape screamed.

Karmonie unscrewed the perfume bottle and dumped it into the cauldron of potion. Suddenly, the cauldron exploded loudly. Smoke and smoldering hot liquid flew everywhere. Most people ducked, but it hit some. Still, mostly it blew up in Karmonie's face.

"Owww…" said Karmonie, wiping her face off with the edge of her robe.

Then she was quiet for a while.

Snape was now running his mouth without even facing the class. Instead, he was looking out the window and talking about his personal life.

"Karmonie?" said Hermione.

"That was awesome!" Karmonie screamed, although her face was covered in blisters.

Snape turned to face his class. "Mr. Weasley, please escort Miss McReigner out of the room.'

"Miss McReigner? I'm Mrs. Potter!" said Karmonie.

"I'd prefer it to be FredFredFred," said Karmonie. (That was not a typo. She really said that.)

"No," said Snape. "That's wrong. In fact is it possible that Mr. Potter_"

Karmonie got up and walked out of the room. She did not come back.


	4. Slytherin Trouble

Not that anyone would care, but, _the whole Slytherin house was in trouble that day._

What exactly had gone on?

It's a long (and very weird) story.

Almost everybody in Hogwarts knew what was going on but nobody said anything.

Snape was still…somewhere, or so it was thought. Nobody even knew where he was or if he came back. Except for his own students. And even they might not have known.

Malfoy had finally stopped putting himself in time-out for no reason. Who knows why he was doing it in the first place. He then suddenly got the notion that he was in charge of Slytherin. "We're unattended!" could be heard from all over the school.

There was so much yelling going on that_ Dumbledore_ had to come in to investigate.

And when he looked in, he was very shocked.

Everybody was going wild! All the Slytherin kids were having pillow fights, wrestling and climbing on furniture.

"SILENCE, SILENCE!" said Dumbledore.

All the kids stopped and gathered at the door as if to hide a terrible mess that lied within.

Now they were looking at Dumbledore.

"What in the world is going on?" Dumbledore asked.

"It was Malfoy's idea!" said somebody.

"Was not!" said Malfoy.

"Malfoy, what was your idea?" Dumbledore asked.

"To have a wrestling party in the Slytherin room," said Malfoy.

"Why would you think that's a good idea?" Dumbledore said.

"I'm in charge! We're unattended!"said Malfoy.

"I would've thought you to be attended," said Dumbledore. "Apparently I thought wrong."

"Who would be watching us?" Malfoy asked.

"We locked all the doors," said a girl.

"But why? And how? I don't think you can-" said Dumbledore.

"Magic," said Malfoy.

"Enough!" said Dumbledore.

"I can do what I want," said Malfoy.

"It's bad enough that your professor has behaved in this way," said Dumbledore.

"Which one?" Malfoy sneered.

"There will be _severe _consequences to your behavior if you continue to act like this," said Dumbledore.

"Act like what?" Malfoy asked.

"PUFFLEFLUFF!" Dumbledore yelled.

Professor PuffleFluff came bounding up to Dumbledore. Professor PuffleFluff was some substitute teacher who had come from apparently nowhere. She would later be taking over for Snape, who had disappeared to who knows where.

"I've been waiting for my moment!" she said.

"Tell those kids how wrong they are," said Dumbledore.

"CLEAN UP THAT MESS! I WILL NOT TOLERATE HORSING AROUND!" Professor PuffleFluff yelled.

"Why are you in charge of us?" Malfoy asked.

"Because I said so," said Dumbledore. "Now do what she says, and I'll be back in tennnnnnnn minutessssss."

"What?" said Malfoy. "There is no mess!"

"I found a body!" shrieked Professor PuffleFluff.

"He's just unconscious," said Malfoy.


	5. Ron is unfortunately still alive

PuffleFluff ran away crying.

Meanwhile, Harry was standing around doing absolutely nothing when he saw Fred and George saunter by stupidly, which got him in an inexplicably aggressive mood.

"What are you two up to?" he asked.

"None of your business," said Fred.

"Actually, no. We were aggravating Ronald. Fred is also a compulsive liar," said George.

"Be quiet," said Fred.

"Who's Ronald?" said Harry.

"Yeah. Who is that?!" said Karmonie, appearing from behind Harry.

Harry screamed. "What are you doing behind me?"

"Oh, my friends taught me how to sneak up behind people and scare them," said Karmonie,

"Who would be friends with you?" Fred asked. He and George had stopped walking, so they apparently weren't really going anywhere important.

"Oh, Gryffin and Phoenix. They're two very sneaky girls," said Karmonie.

"Identical sneaky girls," said two voices in unison. Two girls appeared behind Karmonie. They looked exactly the same. They both had smooth faces, bright blue eyes and long blonde hair.

"Hello. I'm Gryffin," said one.

"I'm Phoenix," said the other.

"How would anybody tell you apart?" George said stupidly.

"I don't know. You tell me," said one of the blonde girls.

"Maybe it is however that people would tell _you _apart," said the other.

"But it would hard," said the first girl. "After all, we look and act the same. And we're usually in the same place."

"Twins run in our family. There are five other sets of twins in our family," said the second girl.

"You're kidding," said George.

"Not at all. Just keep an eye out for blonde girls who like to walk together," said the first girl.

"Well, there's also two boys. But they're not together a lot," said the second girl. "Bye now!"

The two dashed off.

"Actually, they pretend there are a lot of girls," said Karmonie. "But you only see two at a time. They just change their names and pretend they're different. Really, though, who's Ronald?"

"Our little brother," said George.

"Where is he?" said Karmonie.

"In the dungeon!" said Fred.

"I love you," said Karmonie.

"I'll be going now," said Fred.

"Me too," said George.

Unfortunately, Ron had not really died. Nor was he in any sort of dungeon.

Actually, when Harry went into his dorm room that evening, Ron was in there, sleeping already. It was possible that he slept the whole day instead of doing anything productive. He would be in big trouble.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL DAY?!" Harry yelled.

Ron woke up.

"In the dungeon," he said.

"YOU'RE SO STUPID!" Harry yelled.

"Are you two fighting _again?" _Fred called from the other room.

"Be quiet! You always yell at your own reflection in the mirror!" Ron yelled back.

"How do you know?!" Fred asked.

"I've caught you doing it before!" said Ron.

"Oh," said Fred.

You could then hear yelling coming from the room that Fred was in.

"Are you doing it again?" Ron yelled.

"He's mimicking me!" Fred cried hysterically.

"Then tell him to stop," said Ron.

"Don't tell me what to do, I'm older than you!" said Fred. "But the creepy thing is- he's not talking to me!"

"I'll be right back," said Ron.

"Whatever," said Harry.

Before Ron could reach his silly brother, you could hear the sound of glass breaking.

"What are you doing?" asked Ron.

"Solving my problems," said Fred.

"I don't remember you having a mirror," said Ron.

"Neither do I," said Fred.

"You're going to have seven years of bad luck!" said Ron.

"Remember that lollipop I gave you earlier today?" Fred asked, changing the subject.

Harry was around the corner, watching the whole thing.

"Yeah…" said Ron.

"Did you like it?" Fred asked.

Harry stifled a laugh. He knew that this wouldn't turn out well.

"Yeah…" said Ron.

"We licked it and put it back in the wrapper," said Fred.

"Ewwwwwwwww!" said Ron. "Wait... what do you mean by 'we'?"

"You know what I mean," said Fred. "Good night, Ronny!"

Ron left. Then, he saw Harry.

"What's so funny?" Ron asked.

"Never accept candy from tricky people!" said Harry.

"Very funny," said Ron sarcastically. "What if that happened to you?"

"It'd be gross," said Harry. "But hey, you live and learn."

Ron gagged. "Last time I checked, there was only one Fred."

Harry said nothing.

"Yep! Only one of me!" said Fred, coming out of his room. "But the lollipop thing… it was George's idea. He's the first one who licked it!"

"Go away!" said Ron.

"You know you love me!" said Fred.

"Not right now, I don't," said Ron.

Fred tackled Ron.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Ron cried.

"You know you love me!" said Fred.

"Help," said Ron.

"Fred…" said Harry.

"Yeah?" asked Fred, letting go of Ron.

"Where's George?" Harry asked.

"I don't know! I'm not George! Do I look like George to you?" Fred asked.

"Uhhh," said Harry.

Ron burst out laughing.

"Why is it funny to you?" Fred asked.

Everybody went to bed and woke up to Ron's screaming.


	6. Snape is Dumbledore's Boyfriend

Ron was standing up, looking quite shocked.

"Ron, did you have a nightmare?" Harry asked.

"No," said Ron. "Those weasels!"

"Weasels? What in the world?" Harry asked.

"Ssshhh, people are sleeping!" said Ron.

"Says the one who was screaming his head off moments ago," said Harry.

"A—aaaa-are they gone yet?" Ron asked.

"There are no weasels," said Harry. "Except for yourself."

"Hey! Excuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Harry!" said Ron.

"You're a weasel of a boy, now go back to bed," said Harry.

"SPIDERS!" whined Ron.

"Awww… Wonald, are you afraid of weasels? Weasels won't hurt you, Wonny!" said Harry.

"SPIDERS! TWO OF THEM! IN MY BED! PERCY WAS RIGHT!" said Ron. "They're big hairy tarantulas!"

Harry looked at Ron's bed. There were indeed two large, hairy tarantulas crawling around and making themselves at home in Ron's bed.

"At first, I thought it was one. But it's two! It's so much wooooorse!" Ron wailed.

Harry picked up the blanket that Ron's mother probably had knitted for him. Who knows why. Then, he threw it put the window.

"NOOOO! I LOVE MY BLANKIE!" cried Ron.

"There. No more spiders, eh, Ronald?" Harry asked.

"I suppose," Ron sniffed.

Later that morning at breakfast, Ron got a letter from his mother.

It said:

_Dear Percy_

_Dear Fred_

_Dear George_

_Dear Ginny_

_Dear Ronald,_

_Why haven't you been shampooing your hair lately? I'm so disappointed in you! I love you!_

_Love, Mum_

"Uhhh, what?" said Ron. "That's weird!"

"I also got a weird letter from my mum," said Hermione. "Look!"

_Dear __Hermerione Hermyohnee Hermyowne Hermieone Hermynee_

_Hermione,_

_Why haven't you been brushing your teeth lately?_

_I'm so disappointed in you! _

_I love you!_

_-Mum_

"This can't be from my mum!" said Hermione.

"I know, right?" said Ron.

"At least I can't get one," said Harry.

"Lucky you," said Hermione. "This is something I'd expect… I don't know… Karmonie's mom to send her!'"

"Maybe Karmonie has something to do with it!" said Harry.

"No," said Ginny.

"Shut up!" yelled Ron.

"Why," said Ginny.

"Because I said so!" said Ron.

"Are you just mad because of that stupid letter?" Ginny asked.

"No," said Ron.

"Where's Snape?" Karmonie whined, looking pretty sad.

"Who cares?" said Ron.

"I do! He's my best friend!" said Karmonie.

"When did that happen?" Harry asked.

"Yesterday," Karmonie said.

Harry and Ron exchanged glances.

"Karmonie, Snape can't be your best friend," said Harry.

"And why not?" Karmonie asked.

"He has no friends," said Harry. "Because he stinks!"

"So do you, Mr. Potter. So do you," said somebody walking by.

Harry looked up. It was Snape.

"Good morning, Professor Snape," said Karmonie.

"Good morning, Miss McReigner," said Snape.

"I was up all night doing my homework. I'm sure you'll find it most pleasing," said Karmonie.

"I'm sure I will, Karmonie. Good day," said Snape.

"What was that?" Harry asked.

"A proper, friendly greeting. DUH!" said Karmonie.

"Suck up," said Ron.

"Can't help it if I'm the star student. Top of the class, in fact," said Karmonie.

Hermione glared at Karmonie. "Show off!"

"You're just jealous!" said Karmonie.

"Of what? You have no life!" said Hermione.

"Something's wrong," Ron whispered to Harry.

"Totally," said Harry.

Karmonie looked disappointed.

"Now somebody else is mad," she mumbled.

"You're a little twit, you know that?" Fred said.

"What?" Karmonie said. "Why U NO LIKE ME?"

"Because you're downright annoying," said Fred.

"You don't really know me," said Karmonie.

"Then stop saying "I love you'," said Fred.

"I wrote a list of all my boyfriends," said Karmonie. "Observe."

"I'd rather not," said Fred, tossing the paper that Karmonie had handed him. The paper hit Ginny.

"Oooh, I wanna read it!" she said, and then proceeded to read the list out loud.

"Freddy Bear, Fred and Xavier, Fred Burger, FredFred, FredFredFred, Fredburger, Mr. Potter, Potter, Mr. Mr. Potter, Fred, Ronald, Ronald Weasley, Ron, Ron Weasley, Wonald Wee-Wee, Wonald, Weasley…"

Ginny had already finished the list, and Ron, Fred, and Harry were very annoyed. Karmonie looked quite please. Ginny was still going on though, because after she finished reading, she starting adding random new names and speaking louder to see if anyone was paying attention.

"ALUBS DUMBLEDORE, RUBEUS HAGRID, SEVERUS HEDWIG…"

"What the?!" said Harry, looking up.

"I was reading the names of Karmonie's boyfriends," said Ginny.

"Hedwig was really on there?! And Dumbledore? Give me that!" said Harry.

"Gladly," said Ginny handing over the list.

Karmonie and her brothers were cracking up.

Dumbledore, who had gotten drunk, said "Sorry, Karmonie. I'm not your boyfriend. I already have a boyfriend."

"WHO?!" Karmonie yelled.

"Severus," said Dumbledore, pointing to Snape.

Snape was sleeping. Who knows why. Then, he woke up and mumbled, "No…. headmaster…."

"Are you dating?" Karmonie asked.

"Yes," said Dumbledore.

"How long have you been together?" Karmonie asked.

"Oh, since I was in my 90's," said Dumbledore.

"HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?!" Karmonie asked.

"110,"said Dumbledore.

"I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!" Snape yelled.

"Silence…Severus," said Dumbledore.

"Isn't that cute," Karmonie snickered.

"No," said Harry. "Why would it be?"

"I like it when people date other people that are out of their league," said Karmonie

"Well, I don't," said Harry.

"WHY NOT?!" Karmonie screamed, standing up on a chair.

"Sit down," said Hermione.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MISS BOSSYPANTS!" Karmonie screamed.

"Somebody could become the new Professor PuffleFluff," said Ron.

"I wanna be just like Professor PuffleFluff," said Karmonie. "She's a good role model."

"I despise her," said Snape.

"What do your brothers think of you?" Harry asked Karmonie.

"Oh, we don't have much to do with each other," said Karmonie. "Why?"

"So they aren't annoyed with you?" Harry asked.

"Not really, at least I don't think so," said Karmonie.

"Your brothers annoy me," said Fred.

"Why? They're so fun-loving and playful," said Karmonie. "Just like you! Kiss me!"

"No," said Fred. "I will not kiss you. I'm too old for you."

"How old are you?" Karmonie asked.

"That is my private business," said Fred.

"Darn! I wanted to know!" said Karmonie.

"WHY?!" said Fred.

"I don't know? Because I'm a creep?" said Karmonie. "At least George would tell me how old he is!"

"Nope," said George. "But I'll give you two hints: one, I'm older than you, and two, I'm the same age as Fred."

"I'm ugly and lonely and a need a friend!" said Karmonie. "How can I allure you?" 

"I don't want a girlfriend right now," said Fred.

"But I'll tell you all my secrets!" said Karmonie.

"Do I _want_ to know them?" Fred asked.

"Yesssssssss," said Karmonie.

"No," said Fred

"I wuv you, Freddy," said Karmonie.

"The creepy thing is, I never even told you my name," said Fred.

"But you look like a Fred!" said Karmonie.

Snape got up and started walking around in circles.

"Snape is walking in circles! Sweet!" said Karmonie. "HELLO SNAPE!"

"ENOUGH!" Snape yelled. "I WILL HAVE ORDER!"

"I was being too affectionate toward him," Karmonie whispered to Harry.

Later that day, Harry met Karmonie's brothers when they were running in the hallway.

"WOAH! SORRY DUDE!" said the taller kid.

"Yeah, we were just in a bit of a hurry," said the shorter one.

"Actually, we wanted to talk to _you_," said the taller one.

"Me? Why would anyone want to talk to me?" Harry asked.

"Well, Karmonie told us to find you," said the shorter one.

"Karmonie?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. Our sister," said the taller one.

"Let us introduce ourselves," said the shorter one. "My name is Cedarus McReigner."

"And I'm Cleverus McReigner," said the taller one.

Cleverus was taller than Harry and had long, black greasy hair, as well as quite a large nose.

_Kind of like Snape._

Harry shuddered at that thought.

Cedarus was a lot shorter than Cleverus and Harry. He had short, dark brown hair and round glasses.

Not only did they look so much different from each other, neither of them looked like Karmonie either. Well, they both had brown eyes. Now that Harry thought about… were Karmonie's eyes two different colors? Her hair was also kind of mixed up, a combination of brown and red.

"Anyway," said Cedarus. "Here she comes now!"

"Oh boy," said Harry.

Karmonie galloped over like a wild animal.

"I wanna see Harry swim in the lake," she slurred, staring Harry right in the eye.

Harry could now clearly see that Karmonie's eyes were two very different colors. One was light brown, lighter than her brothers' eyes. The other was a striking pure blue that Harry never would have imagined on a real person.

"Say what?" said Harry, confused.

"You're staring at my beautiful eyes, aren't you?" Karmonie asked, beginning to flail her wrists.

"What's wrong with your hands?" Harry asked.

"Nothing, what's wrong with your face?" Karmonie asked.

"And she wanted me for what reason?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, she wouldn't say," said Cleverus.

"Well…" said Karmonie. "I like snakes."

"Okay?" said Harry.

"Do you?" Karmonie asked.

"No," said Harry.

"HISSSSS!" said Karmonie.

"Go home! You're drunk!" said Harry.

"No, maybe you are," said Karmonie. Then, she began to sing. "Won't go to bed, won't go to bed, won't go to bed today!"

"It's too early anyway. Okay, I'll be leaving now," said Harry.

"Are you gonna get _your_ broomstickkkkkkkkk?" Karmonie asked.

"Mind your business," said Harry, turning to leave.

"Not all, mah boi! This peace is what all true warriors strive for!" Karmonie replied.

"What?" said Cedarus.

"I whip my wand back and forth, I whip my wand back and forth," Karmonie said, making motions as if doing this very thing despite having no wand. She then sat down on the floor and started moving as if making a snow angel.

Harry only watched because Karmonie was being so weird, and it was somewhat amusing, in an irritating sort of way.

"Come back," said Karmonie. "I need to ask you a very important question."

"What?" Harry asked.

Professor McGonagall walked by. "What is going on?"

"I am making out with Mr. Potter," said Karmonie.

"Karmonie, why are you on the floor?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Fred and Xavier tackled me down," said Karmonie.

"Who are those people?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Two ginger guys," Karmonie replied.

"Get up, Karmonie," said Professor McGonagall.

Karmonie got up.

Hermione walked by carrying an unnecessary amount of books that she probably removed from the library without permission.

Then, she saw Karmonie goofing off.

"Ummm… hey, Karmonie, what's up?" Hermione asked.

"Nothing much," said Karmonie.

"Go on, now. No more silliness," said Professor McGonagall.

Karmonie slipped around the corner with a sly grin on her face.


	7. False Alarm

Later that day, in Snape's stinky classroom…

"No Miss McReigner today, Mmmmm…?" Snape asked. "Well, we can do without that talkative know-it-all. Although…unfortunately…that's only one out of two of those type that I DON'T. HAVE. TO. DEAL. WITH. ANYMORE…"

Hermione cringed.

"And also, today, I am turning back your papers. You all got TERRIBLE grades," said Snape.

Hermione raised her hand.

"Ohmmmm," said Snape, glaring disapprovingly in Hermione's direction. Hermione put her hand down.

"And I don't know what to do with this one," Snape said.

"It was signed by _Karmonie Potter._ Last time I checked, there were no students with that name. In fact, is it possible that Mr. Potter-?"

"No," said Harry in a girl's voice. **WHO KNOWS WHY.**

"Mr. Potter, are you and Karmonie-?" Snape asked.

"No," said Harry. "It was her own idea! Since she's in love with everybody, you know."

"Yes…" said Snape, shuddering at the memory of the time he picked up a paper from Karmonie and it had hearts and lip-gloss kiss marks all over it.

Suddenly, Karmonie burst in the room. "Sorry I'm late, Professor Snape," she said. "I had to scrub all the-"

"SILENCE! SIT DOWN!" said Snape. "Points will be taken from Gryffindor for your unnecessary tardiness."

"Looks like you've finally remembered how to take points from Gryffindor," said Harry.

"SILENCE!" said Snape, clenching his teeth.

There were a few moments of silence, but somebody farted. Nobody found out for sure who did it. But Snape suddenly started talking quickly (and he never talks quickly!) after the incident.

Malfoy smirked at Harry.

"Now it stinks worse in here than it already did," said Ron.

"Would you like to do something about it?" Snape asked.

"Nope," said Ron.

"I thought so," said Snape.

A note hit Ron. Ron did not see who passed it.

Ron opened the note and read it to himself. The handwriting was messy.

There were only two words on it. It read:

_Snape Farted._

Ron had to stifle his laugh.

"What's it say?" Harry whispered.

"I don't know who wrote it," said Ron. He passed it to Harry.

Harry read it and rolled his eyes. "That's stupid."

Ron was now giggling audibly.

"What… do you find so funny?" Snape asked, on edge.

Ron tried to hide the note but Snape swiped it.

"Hey!" said Ron.

Snape read it.

"This means nothing to me," he said. He then crumpled the note and threw it away.

"My name Hagwid," said Karmonie.

"SILENCE!" yelled Snape.

"Are you going to fart again?" Ron asked.

Snape's ears were steaming. "SHUT UP, WEASEL!"

"You make Wonald sad," said Ron.

"GET OUT OF MY CLASS!" said Snape.

"It's snowing!" said Karmonie.

Everyone turned to look out the window. It was not snowing. But the air was getting very cold. The window was rattling as a strong gust of wind blew in.

"Why can't we close the window?" Harry asked.

"Because I said so!" said Snape.

Suddenly, the window fell off the hinges.

"MR. POTTER! DID YOU JUST BREAK MY WINDOW?!" Snape yelled.

"No, sir," said Harry.

"I did it!" said Karmonie.

"Why did you do it?" Snape asked.

"I used magic," said Karmonie.

"WHY did you do it?" Snape yelled.

"It was fun!" said Karmonie.

"Fix it!" said Snape.

"Not on my life!" said Karmonie.

Snape was mumbling something under his breath. The scary thing was that no one was clear on what it was that he was saying.

"Are you threatening me," said Karmonie.

"Foolish girl, be quiet," said Snape.

"Should I be scared?" Karmonie asked.

"Very scared," said Snape.

Karmonie gulped.

"Please leave the classroom," said Snape.

"Oooh! He said please!" said Ron, who was supposedly shooed out.

Karmonie turned to leave.

Snape looked as if he wanted to do something worse to Karmonie, but he then began instructing the class.

Percy was randomly wandering the hallway again.

"Hi!" Karmonie squealed, waving to Percy. Percy ignored her and kept walking.

Karmonie picked up a stick out of her robe pocket and threw it at Percy.

Percy stopped and turned around to glare at Karmonie.

"What, you carry sticks in your robe pocket, too, now? What, is it some kind of funky new trend?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm copying my boyfriend," said Karmonie.

"Tell _YOUR BOYFRIEND _that I need to have a serious talk with him," said Percy.

"Okay," said Karmonie. "But I need to have your name, kind sir."

"Percy Weasley. I believe we've met before," said Percy.

"But you never told me your name," said Karmonie.

"Well, now I have, so don't ask again," said Percy.

"Tell me a little bit about yourself," said Karmonie.

"No," said Percy. "I have things I need to do!"

"Such as wandering the halls?"Karmonie said.

"Just be quiet," said Percy.

Snape stuck his ugly, creepy face out the classroom door. Who knows why.

"Miss McReigner, you are in time-out and we do not use time-out for socializing."

"YIKES THAT MAN IS CREEPY! GOT TO GO!" said Percy, and took off.

"I'll get that Weasley," said Snape.

"Oh, he's a Weasley, too?" said Karmonie. "I have a thing for Weasleys." (Even though Percy clearly told her his first and last name just a minute ago)  
"I see," said Snape. "Now, spend your time-out _quietly." _

"I don't know how to be quiet," said Karmonie.

"It's a good skill to learn," said Snape.

"Hey, you know who likes time-outs?" Karmonie asked.

"Who?" said Snape.

"Draco Malfoy!" said Karmonie.

"Ohmmmm," said Snape.

Karmonie shut her mouth.

"No. That's wrong. You can come back in in tennnnn minutessss."

Karmonie got up and stuck her wand in Snape's face.

"What do you suppose you're doing, foolish child?" said Snape.

"CRUCIUS!" said Karmonie.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" said Snape.

Everyone in the classroom gasped.

"NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" yelled Harry.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Hermione yelled.

"You may have noticed that nothing happened," said Karmonie.

"Yes, this child was holding a mere stick," said Snape. "A simple tree branch!"

"Give me back my magic stick!" said Karmonie.

"Your 'magic stick'?" Snape asked. "Ha!"

Although no harm had been done, Karmonie got an entire week of detention for threatening a teacher.


	8. Snape's Morning

"Good morning, Potter, Weasley," Snape said one day. "You two look beautiful today."

Snape was wearing hair curlers and a pink, fuzzy bathrobe with his name embroidered on it. He was holding up a steaming mug of coffee. The mug also had his name on it.

Who knows why.

"I've been defaced!" said Ron.

"No, Ron, your face is still there," said Snape. "But apparently you've been _colored on."_

"So have I, sir," said Harry.

_Somebody _had colored on Ron's and Harry's faces while they were sleeping, but they had not been able to find out who.

"I see. Lovely. If you found out who did it… call them over to… _beautify me_," Snape said.

"You need it!" said Ron.

"Thanks, Mr. Weasley," said Snape. "Tell me, have you seen my buddies Cedarus and Cleverus?"

"Your buddies?" Ron asked, choking on his drink, which was actually spiked water. Who knows why he was allowed to have anything to drink in the first place.

"They seem to be late," said Snape.

"Maybe they got made up too," said Harry.

"They seem more like the type that would do that," said Ron. "I bet they did!"

"Isn't it strange, Ron, how _none _of your siblings are here either? Or Karmonie?" Harry said.

"Yeah…" said Ron." But that doesn't explain how we got colored on!

"WATCH IT!" said Ron. "How much worse could it get?"

You could hear in the background:

"I'm gonna love him and squeeze him and call him George!" Karmonie squealed.

"I _am _George!" George yelled.

"I thought your name was Fred!" Karmonie wailed, still squeezing George, who was doing a lousy job at shaking her off.

"I changed it," said George.

"Why?" Karmonie asked.

"To make it better," said George.

Harry laughed but Ron punched him.

"Moving along," Snape mumbled, blindly walking into a wall.

"Did you color on my face?" Harry asked Fred.

"No," said Fred.

"Did you color on my face?" Ron asked.

"No," said Fred.

"Are you lying again, Fred?" Ron asked.

"Maybe," said Fred.

"You lie too much," said Ron.

"Do I?" Fred asked.

"Yes!" yelled Ron, throwing another fork that had randomly appeared on the table. Who knows how it got there or why anyway would need a fork in the first place.

Fred dodged it. The fork hit George, who was being smothered by Karmonie.

"Come over here," said Fred.

George came over, with Karmonie grasping his ankle. "I still love you, not-Fred!" she cried.

"What do you want?" George asked.

"Don't talk to me like that," said Fred. "Ron wants you."

"Ron? You mean Ronald Weasley? My other boyfriend?" Karmonie asked.

"Yes," said George.

"Which one of you…colored on our faces last night?" Ron asked.

"It was me. Did you like it?" Karmonie asked, who was kissing George's leg mercilessly,

"You? But you don't seem like the type to… I would've expected… I don't know… one of your brothers!" said Harry.

"Aye, dude," said Cleverus, coming in with Cedarus. "Sorry we're late, peeps."

"Get off, Karmonie. And stop kissing my leg. That's weird!" said George. "How cute would I be if I kicked you in the face?"

"Adorable!" said Karmonie.

"Don't kick her, George!" said Ron.

"She bloody well deserves it!" said George.

"Kick me, please!" said Karmonie.

"What are you doing, Miss McReigner?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I'm not Miss McReigner. I'm Mrs. Potter!" said Karmonie.

"Says the one clinging to a Weasley," said Harry.

"Love is blind, Harry," said Karmonie.

"Get off of George, Karmonie," said Professor McGonagall. "You wouldn't want detention again, would you?"

Karmonie got off.

"George is a cute boy," she said.

"When you first met me, you called me ugly!" said George. "Now you won't get off of me!"

"I just realized that you look like my other boyfriend," said Karmonie.

"Really," said George.

Karmonie nodded. "I LOVE YOU!"

"Karmonie, enough," said George. "You barely know me."

"You're no fun," said Karmonie. "Bye!"

She sat down at the table next to Fred.

"Can I sit in your lap?" she asked.

"No," said Fred.

"Why not?" Karmonie asked.

"That's weird and awkward," said Fred.

"Tell me about yourself, cutie," said Karmonie.

"No," said Fred.

"I'll start," said Karmonie, leaning into Fred's personal space.

"Oh boy," said Fred.

"When I grow up, I wanna have twins named Fred and Xavier!" said Karmonie.

"Not with me," said Fred.

"Oh, I'm already engaged, honey bear," said Karmonie. "To Harry Potter!"

"Yuck!" said Fred.

"I love you," said Karmonie. "But, I'll be right back, sweetheart! I have a letter from my mum that I must read!"

Karmonie ran back to her spot to read the letter.

_Dear Karmonie,_

_How are you, sweetheart? I hope you are having fun with your boyfriends, Fred and George. Oops, I mean_ _Xavier. Why don't you invite them over to our house one day? It will be fun! I love you! Have a nice day! Don't forget your hygiene!_

_Love, Mum_

Karmonie folded the letter up. "Awesome," she said. Then she turned into a paper airplane and threw it at Fred.

It hit Fred in the head.

"HEY!" he said.

Then, he disassembled the airplane and read the letter.

"Your mom is just as weird as you are," said Fred. "But I would never come to your house!"

"Good! You weren't invited anyway!" said Karmonie. "And in other news, I just peed!"

"Did you really?" Hermione asked Karmonie, sounding oddly concerned.

"I need the loo," said Karmonie.

"You need what?" said Hermione.

"No! That's illegal!" said Dumbledore.

Karmonie stomped away from the table.

"That's illegal, too," said Dumbledore.

"What are you gonna do, arrest me?" Karmonie asked.

"Maybe," said Dumbledore.

"You suck!" said Karmonie.

Later that day, Professor PuffleFluff was back. She was hogging Snape's class and Snape tried with no luck to get her out.

"GOOD MORNING CHILDREN! I AM PROFESSOR PUFFLEFLUFF! TODAY WE ARE GOING TO BE LEARNING HOW TO MAKE SHAMPOO!"

"Not the shampoo thing again," sighed Snape.

"FIRST, I WANT YOU TO ALL MAKE SURE THAT YOUR CAULDRONS ARE CLEAN AND READY! THEY ARE? GOOD! NOW FOLLOW MY LEAD! MIX YOUR INGREDIENTS TOGETHER VIGOROUSLY UNTIL BUBBLES APPEAR!

PuffleFluff continued to shout. "GOOD! I'M SEEING SOME NICE BUBBLES! STIR ASTER, WEASLEY! FASTER, POTTER!"

"This is my class," said Snape. "Get out!"

"I'm sorry," said PuffleFluff. "Your voice is terribly quiet. And do you have a stuffy nose?"

"NO!" screamed Snape.

"This is my class," said PuffleFluff. "We are learning how to make shampoo."

"I see. Lovely," Snape muttered.

"Am I stirring fast enough?" Neville called out.

"Yes. In fact, you're stirring too fast," said PuffleFluff.

Neville began stirring at a snail's pace.

"Faster, LONGBOTTOM!" PuffleFluff yelled.

"The boy's already confused to begin with, PuffleFluff," said Snape. "Let me take over."

"This is my class!" said PuffleFluff.

"No, it's mine," said Snape, glaring at the chalkboard he doubted even existed moments ago.

It displayed these words:

_Professor PuffleFluff's Class: Making shampoo and cosmetics_

"This isn't beauty school!" Snape roared.

"I can tell. You're not beautiful," said PuffleFluff. "Now, we'll talk later, Sniffles!"

"NOW GET OUT OF MY CLASS!" said Snape, very irritated.

"In your dreams," said PuffleFluff. "NOW, STUDENTS, LET'S SUM UP WHAT WE'VE LEARNED TODAY!"

Cleverus raised his hand.

"Yes, Cleverus?" PuffleFluff asked.

"Who is that man?" Cleverus asked, pointing to Snape.

"Oh, him?" PuffleFluff said. "That is Schneverus Schnape."

Snape growled.

"My name Cleverus," said Cleverus.

"I know, sweetie," said Professor PuffleFluff.

Cedarus raised his hand next.

"Yes, Cedarus?" Professor PuffleFluff asked.

"Why are we making shampoo?" Cedarus asked.

"Cedarus, some people could really benefit from fresh shampoo," said Professor PuffleFluff. "Especially if they have hair as greasy as that guy's hair!"

She then pointed to Snape.

Snape's ears were steaming.

"Okay, class that about sums it up. Your homework will be on why shampoo is good for your health!"

"Shampoo is good for your health?" Cleverus asked. "I've never used shampoo in my life."

Then, as he walked right past the furious Snape, he said,

"Bye, Schneverus! It was nice being in your class, dude!"

Cedarus giggled as he followed Cleverus out of the classroom.

"Okay, now I'm gonna leave the castle without permission. Bye!" said Karmonie, as she left class.

"Oh, dear," said Ron.


	9. A Toast to Hagrid for no reason

Karmonie was gone for hours, so the others started to suspect that she really had found some way to sneak out. She was not even back for lunch.

"It's been hours," said Hermione. "Has nobody else noticed?"

"Maybe no one cares," said Ron.

Hermione punched Ron.

Confused Dumbledore then called for attention.

"Today is National Hagrid day," he said.

"What?" Ron asked.

"Today, we have a toast. To HAGRID!" said Dumbledore.

"Why?!" said Hermione. "What did Hagrid do?"

"BOO! THAT'S RUBBISH!" Fred and George yelled together.

Several others joined in and began booing.

"SILENCE!" said Dumbledore.

Just then, Hagrid came inside the building. WHO KNOWS WHY.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Cleverus asked.

"I'm not going to answer that. We've already been through this before," said Hagrid. "Why must ya shout 'Who are you?!' whenever ya see me? Ya know who I am."

Karmonie appeared sheepishly from behind Hagrid.

"Oh, there you are, Karmonie," said Cleverus. "Where have you been?"

"Behind Hagrid," said Karmonie.

Hagrid glared at Karmonie.

"This young lady has been a bit o' a brat this afternoon," said Hagrid. "Someone ought ter teach her a lesson, now. She thinks she can just leave the building without permission and come ter my house to harass me."

"Chill, dude," said Cleverus.

"Keep out of this," said Hagrid.

"Hagrid, leave her alone," said Dumbledore.

"You leave_ me_ alone," said Hagrid.

"You think you can boss people around?" Karmonie asked Hagrid.

"Silence," said Hagrid. "Now, you have been very wrong, and I'm sure that yer parents will be disappointed when they hear about this."

"NOOOOO!" Karmonie wailed. "I'm sorry!"

"No, you're not," said Hagrid.

Karmonie disappeared back to her room and was not seen again until dinner.

Karmonie had left the stick through her eye and it was not a pretty sight.

"Are you going to just leave it there?" Hermione asked.

"It'll be fine," said Karmonie.

"Doesn't it affect your vision?" Hermione asked.

"Em, I'd rather not answer that," said Karmonie.

"Does it hurt?" Hermione asked.

"Not really," said Karmonie, although she could have been lying.

"If you leave it in, it could cause an infection," said Hermione.

"Let it, then," said Karmonie.

"Excuse me, I'm gonna go vomit," said Hermione.

"Can I watch?" Karmonie asked.

"NO!" said Hermione.

Karmonie went for days with the stick through her eye and screamed and snapped at anyone who asked her about it. It was now very swollen around her eye and there was zero chance that she could see out of it at that time.

"I'll remove it myself I want it out!" she said.

"Oh no," said everyone.

Karmonie then took some tweezers out of her pocket. "Ready?"

"NOOOOO!" screamed Hermione. "GROSS!"

Karmonie was at the table when she attempted to remove the stick from her eye. Everybody was trying to eat lunch.

"PLEASE NO!" said Harry.

"We're trying to eat here!" said Hermione.

"Oh BLOODY HELL!" said Ron.

Karmonie then attempted to do the gruesome act of removing the stick and was escorted away from the table.


	10. Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day!

Hermione woke up to a note from Karmonie.

_Deer Hermynee, _

_I'z gonna bee out for a little wile. _

_Wen I come back, I shall have the stik remooved frum my eye._

_I promiss. _

_I plann to bee bak layter so I can wish ya'll a happee Valentine 's Day_

_Werr I am I wil not tel, OKAY?_

_C U L8R_

_I bring Valentines._

_CANT beleeve I'm akshooly makin' this desizyun._

_Hoap its 4 the better._

_Love, Karmonie_

_Karmonie Jeanella McReigner_

"Oh, I got the same letter," said Ginny.

"That girl is crazy," said Hermione.

"Maybe a bit," said Ginny.

"She has terrible spelling and grammar," said Hermione.

"Yes, yes she does," said Ginny.

"No Karmonie? Awesome!" Ron said at the table.

"But according to this letter, she'll be back," said Hermione.

"Probably she's in the bathroom trying to rip it out with tweezers," said Ron.

"AND PLAYING IN THE TOILET!" yelled Percy.

"What?" said Ron.

"She's always going into the girl's restroom that no one else goes in and plays in the toilet!" said Percy.

"How would you know unless you watched her?" Fred teased.

"SHUT UP, Fred!" said Percy.

"I'm not Fred," Fred lied.

"Yes, you are," said Percy. "And I know she does! She comes out all wet and says she does!"

"Why do you know of all people?" Harry asked.

"I don't reckon he knows anything," said Fred.

"SILENCE," said Percy.

"You're not in charge," said Fred, leaving.

Karmonie was not seen until much much later.

She had a bandage over the eye that was impaled by a stick.

"So it's out now?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, and also I sent love letters to all my boyfriends. We're going to dinner together!" said Karmonie.

"Where exactly are you going?" said Hermione.

"Pioneer Friends Restaurant!" said Karmonie.

"Where is that!?" Hermione asked.

"In a little hut near the woods, not too far from the school," said Karmonie.

"I think I'd know if there was a restaurant near the school," said Hermione.

"You don't know everything," said Karmonie. "My boyfriends and I have made reservations!"

"It's a hot spot for dinner dates," said Cleverus, appearing in the scene.

"See you later, Hermione!" said Karmonie.

"Ha!" said Hermione.

**Karmonie's Valentine Letters:**

_Deer Freddy Bear,_

_I luv yoo so much mor than wurds could ever eksplain. I hoap that thiss letter frum the bottom of my hart helps yoo 2 realise my affekshuns. Wee r so far apart in age, but love knows no age. I really LOVE you. U r cute and funny and nice. Evry time I C U, it makes me so happee inside._

_I think ur purfict 4 me. We shood spend mor time together._

_If u want 2 hav dinner with me, meet me at Pioneer Friends Restaurant._

_It's neer the woods just outside this bilding. _

_So, how about it? U n me? Together forever?_

_Luv,_

_Karmonie Jeanella McReigner_

_Dear Guy who looks like Fred,_

_You look just like Fred._

_Have a nice Valentine's Day._

_Love, Karmonie._

_Dear Ron-_

_Ald,_

_You have your mother's eyes. _

_Love, Karmonie!_

**Fred's response:**

_Dear Karmonie,_

_I have already told you that I am not interested in you. It is not just your age, but besides the fact that your mannerisms are greatly displeasing to me. We do not know each other very much, and I cannot return your affections. You have reflected your immaturity in your writing style. I do not desire to be in a relationship right now, and even if I did, I would not seriously consider an individual displaying self-presentation such as you have._

_Try composing yourself better and working on your spelling. I do, however appreciate your efforts to write me a letter. In addition, it is best that we refrain from developing close relationships, seeing as it clearly would not work out._

_Best regards, Fred_

Of course he did not really have the time nor the patience to write that way. Hermione, knowing full well about her friend's infatuation, "helped" Fred with his letter.

Karmonie was outside again, and this time Hagrid caught her right away.

"Where do ya think you're going?" Hagrid asked.

"To Pioneer Friends restaurant!" said Karmonie.

"To where now?" Hagrid asked.

"It's an invisible restaurant," said Karmonie.

"Yer not supposed ta be outside without permission," said Hagrid.

"Oh, I have permission," said Karmonie.

"From who?" Hagrid asked.

"Albus Dumbledore!" said Karmonie.

"Now, don't lie, young lady," said Hagrid.

"Actually, I came out here to tell you something."

"Well, tell me another time," said Hagrid. "Go inside now, or I will have the police come to arrest you."

"NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Karmonie screamed. "PLEASE, NO! HAVE MERCY!"

Just then, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking outside.

(Hmmmm… people sure seem to be walking outside a lot)

"And what are you up to today?" Hagrid asking, ignoring the fact that Karmonie was rolling around on the ground screaming bloody murder.

"Taking a stress walk!" said Ron.

"Actually, we were asked to come and get Karmonie," said Hermione, punching Ron.

"I could have brought her in," said Hagrid.

"Karmonie, what are you doing?" Hermione asked.

"Facing my worst fear," said Karmonie.

"And what would that be?" Hermione asked.

"Hagrid," said Karmonie.

"Yer afraid of me?" Hagrid asked. "I don't think so!"

"Why would I not be?" Karmonie asked, getting off of the grass.

"Have I ever done anything to you?" Hagrid asked.

"Well, no," said Karmonie.

"Do I look scary to you?" Hagrid asked.

"Well, to be honest, you look like Bigfoot," said Karmonie. "Okay, I'm gonna go inside now! BYE!"

Karmonie dashed away.


	11. Snow Day

The next day, it snowed.

"Hooray!" said Karmonie. "I want to play in the snow! I love snow!"

"So do we," said Cleverus and Cedarus.

"I like to throw snowballs at people!" said Cleverus.

"So do I," said Cedarus.

"What makes you think you can go out in the snow?" asked confused Dumbledore.

"It's fun!" said Karmonie.

"And Karmonie's boyfriend Fred taught us about fun things to do in the snow!" said Cedarus.

"Karmonie has a boyfriend?" said Dumbledore.

"Yes," said Karmonie.

"Please let us play in the snow!" said Cleverus.

"I don't just let kids outside for no good reason," said Dumbledore.

"It's my birthday!" said Karmonie. "Sort of… I mean, it would be, but..."

"I know," said Dumbledore. "Okay, fine. Mr. Potter can play in the snow."

"WHAT," said Cleverus.

"WHAT," said Cedarus.

"Who's Mr. Potter?" Karmonie asked.

"Your boyfriend," said Dumbledore.

"I'm gonna sneak out of the castle!" said Karmonie.

"No, you're not," said Fred.

"Why not?" Karmonie asked.

"It's impossible," said George.

"No, it isn't! You two do it all the time!" said Karmonie.

"No, we don't," said Fred.

"Professor Dumbledore will not let me outside in the cold!" said Karmonie.

"Of course not," said Dumbledore.

Karmonie sat back down after standing up. "Mr. Potter, you can play in the snow."

"…" said Harry.

"Mr. Weasley may also play in the snow!" said Dumbledore.

"Which Mr. Weasley?" Karmonie whined.

"RNLD WZLY," said Ron with his mouth full.

Later that day, everyone was outside in the snow. Even Karmonie.  
Malfoy was also out there. And he had a sign taped to his back that said:

_I have been a potty mouth and I am now no longer allowed to talk for the rest of the day._

"Hi, Potty mouth!" Karmonie said to Malfoy.

Malfoy growled at Karmonie.

"Lots of snow! Yay!" said Karmonie. "I'm gonna build a snowman! And it will be the perfect resemblance of my boyfriend Fred!"

"Will it look like me?" George asked.

"No, you idiot!" said Karmonie.

"George very sad," said George.

"Wow, Much cold. Such Snow. Very Freeze. So Winter. Wow." said Cedarus.

"Shut up!" said Karmonie, throwing snow at Cedarus' face.

"Well, at least I'm wearing the sweater my mommy knit for me!" said Ron, cuddling himself.

Malfoy smirked.

"What are you doing out here?" Karmonie asked him.

Malfoy just glared at Karmonie.

"Draco, who took away your talking privileges?" Karmonie asked.

Malfoy dashed off.

"Karmonie, why would you sculpt Fred and not me?" Cleverus asked.

"Because I might end up sculpting Schneverus instead," said Karmonie.  
A kid named Johnny was outside also, standing all alone and looking like he was having no fun.

Johnny was a somewhat short and quiet young boy who found Karmonie quite interesting, but to his dismay, Karmonie barely acknowledged him.

"Please don't sculpt me," said Fred.

"Okay," said Karmonie. "Then it shall be Xavier, the boy who coincidentally looks just like you!"

"I'm not posing," said Fred.

"Me," said Johnny.

"What?" Karmonie asked, sounding irritated.

"Do me," said Johnny.

"Heck no," said Karmonie.

Johnny threw a snowball at Karmonie's face.

"Hey!" said Karmonie.

"I know why Malfoy can't talk!" said Johnny.

"Why?" asked Karmonie, throwing snow at Johnny.

"Schneverus," said Johnny, throwing snow back.

Karmonie put some spell on her next snowball so that it appeared about to hit Johnny. When it was an inch from his face, the snowball flew back to Karmonie like a boomerang.

"No fair!" said Johnny. "What did you do to that snowball?"

"It's a secret," said Karmonie, who went to continue her "snowman".

"SURPRISE!"

Somebody popped out of the snow.

"FREDDY BEAR!" said Karmonie. "What are you doing here?"

"Ummm…." said Fred. "Making sure you don't_"

"I'm doing your twin brother, Xavier!" said Karmonie. "I ALREADY TOLD YOU!"

"I don't have a twin brother named Xavier," said Fred.

"You don't?" said Karmonie as she piled the snow back onto Fred.

"Hey!" said Fred. "And no."

"Fred? Where are you?" called George.

Karmonie quickly piled more snow onto Fred and stood in front of the pile.

"Where's Fred?" George asked.

"I don't know!" said Karmonie.

"Is he behind you?" George asked.

"No," said Karmonie.

"Yes," said Fred, muffled under the snow.

"Let him out," said George.

"Why should I?" Karmonie asked. "He can let himself out. He sure did earlier."

Karmonie moved away from the snow pile.

Fred pushed the snow off of himself once again.

"Stay away from that loony," George said to Fred.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Fred.

"I only want to play with you guys!" said Karmonie.

"Not happening," said George.

"When did you become the bossy one?" Karmonie whined.

"When I decide to give orders," said George.

"I hate you both," said Karmonie.

"Finally!" said Fred. "So this means I'm no longer 'Freddy bear' right?"

"Nope. No matter how much I hate you, you'll always be my Freddy bear," said Karmonie.

"What about me?" George asked.

"You're George," said Karmonie.

"Good. Now keep that in mind," said George.

"Can I give you a hug?" Karmonie asked.

"I don't think so," said George.

"Me," said Johnny, coming over.

"WHAT THE HECK DO YOU WANT?!" Karmonie shouted.

"Me nice," said Johnny.

Karmonie pushed Johnny into the snow.

"Help me!" said Johnny.

"You can help yourself," said Karmonie.

It should be noted that there was quite a lot of snow.

Johnny pulled himself out of the snow.

"Why are you so mean?" Johnny asked.

"Cause I'm a bad girl," said Karmonie.

"You'd have more friends if you were nice," said Johnny.

"I don't need friends," said Karmonie.

"You might want some one day," said Johnny. "I see you hitting on all the boys. But before you can get a boyfriend, you need to learn how to make friends," said Johnny. "Just a suggestion."

"I know what I'm doing, dude," said Karmonie.

"Okay, but you can always find me… if you wanna talk to someone friendly," said Johnny.

"As if," said Karmonie.

"Just sayin'" said Johnny.

"Miss McReigner," said a cold voice.

It was Snape.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE, DITRTBAG?!" Karmonie screeched at him.

"Confirming Professor Dumbledore's fears that you may have been outside without permission," said Snape.

"IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO CONTROL ME, DIRTBAG!" Karmonie yelled.

"Come inside now," said Snape.

"DON'T RUIN MY BIRTHDAY, YA UGLY SCUMBALL!" Karmonie yelled. Her face was very red.

"Like I knew," said Snape, smirking. "Come in, now."

"I'D NEVER FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS IF ME LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!" Karmonie yelled.

Cleverus, Cedarus, Ron, Hermione, Harry, Fred, George, and Johnny were all staring. Each person was probably thinking something different.

"Get near me and I will bite ya, I swear," said Karmonie.

"I believe that would result in expulsion," said Snape.

"Of yourself!" said Karmonie, scooping up some snow.

"What are you planning on doing with that snow?" Snape asked.

Karmonie hurled the snow at Snape.

Snape made no attempt to dodge it.

"HA! I HIT THE UGLY MAN IN HIS UGLY FACE!" said Karmonie.

A confused as usual Dumbledore makes an appearance.

"They are not…" he started.

"SILENCE!" snarled Snape.

"Sir, this ugly man is threatening me," said Karmonie.

"SILENCE!" said Dumbledore. "All students are to go inside at once!"

The students glumly filed into the building.

Once everyone was inside, Dumbledore said:

"I am very disappointed in you all. I gave permission to no one but Hagwid and Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley to be outside."

"Who's Hagwid?" said Ron.

"SILENCE!" said Dumbledore. "You will all go to class and write about how bad you were."

It should be noted that Dumbledore was excessively drunk that day.

"For you, Mr. Potter, you shall write: "I shall not f*** Snape."

Everyone gasped.

Professor McGonagall was in the room for who knows what reason. She looked extremely shocked.

Some of the students were laughing.

Professor McGonagall followed all the students who went to the Gryffindor room.

"You've all been naughty," she said, pronouncing naughty as "nahte".

"Yes, we have," said Johnny. "All for good fun now, eh?"

"No," said Professor McGonagall. "Professor Dumbledore specifically said not to go outside, and all of you did. It only makes sense that Gryffindor has dipped into negative points once again," said Professor McGonagall.

"Blame it on Schneverus!" said Karmonie.

"I'm disappointed in all of you," said Professor McGonagall.

"Go ahead and be, it don't affect me," said Cleverus.

"My parents are muggles!" Johnny called out randomly.

"SILENCE!" yelled Cedarus.

"I think I have explained myself enough," said Professor McGonagall.


	12. The Dumbledore Handbook

Later that day…

"Where's my date? I'm all dressed up!" Karmonie said.

Karmonie did not look at all dressed up. She had tied her hair up in many sections with the most random things for ties. They were probably part of her collection of odd things which she has smuggled from her home. Things such as USB cables, cable ties, newspaper rubber bands, bread ties and rope. Makeup was smeared in random places on her face. Her robe was crooked and she was wearing a tie that wasn't tied properly. (Why would a girl like her own a tie in the first place?!) And she had black spots no her teeth. (Oreo crumbs?) In addition, she was barefoot.

"Who would date a slop like you? And by the way, dating is not allowed in the school. It says so on page 18 of the new Dumbledore handbook!" Professor McGonagall said.

"Dumbledore handbook? Can I get an autographed copy?" Karmonie asked.

"Sure," said Professor McGonagall. "I'll be back in tennnn minutessss."

Karmonie stood in place for tennnn minutesss.

Professor McGonagall came back with a book made out of construction paper taped together. The title was written in crayon. It said:

_The new Dumbledore Handbook_

_By Albus Dumbledore._

It was indeed signed. The cover picture was of an old wizard with a long, white beard frolicking in a field of daises with a smiling sun.

"Yay!" said Karmonie.

"Page 18, Miss McReigner," said Professor McGonagall.

Karmonie turned to page 18.

_Students may NOT date on the school grounds. This rule must be especially enforced for Karmonie Janella McReigner._

"Dang!" said Karmonie. "I wanted to date Frederick Weasley!"

"Who is Frederick Weasley?" Professor McGonagall asked. "There's a Fred Weasley."  
"Then I'll date him!" said Karmonie.

"No you won't," said Fred, looking around the corner.

"Why not?" said Karmonie. "I brought you flowers!"

She produced from her robe pocket a tube too large to have fit in there. She opened the top and pulled out a bouquet of flowers.

"No! I don't want that!" yelled Fred.

"You're mean!" wailed Karmonie.

"Shall I escort her to her room? Fred asked.

"YES PLEASE!" said Karmonie.

"No," said Professor McGonagall. "She needs to learn how to look presentable!"

"I am presentable!" said Karmonie. Then she turned to Professor McGonagall "I love you, mummy."

"No," said Professor McGonagall. "I am not your 'mummy'."

"I love you Fred! I love you George!" said Karmonie.

"George isn't here," said Fred.

"What happened?" said Karmonie. "Did he slip in his own pee in the loo and then fall, possibly injuring himself?"

"HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!" said Fred.

"How do you know," said Karmonie.

"I witnessed it," said Fred. "Actually, it was quite hilarious. Anyway, you can't date me because there's nowhere to go!"

"You sound just like your brother Percy," said Karmonie.

"I'll be taking that as an insult," said Fred.

"Enjoy your date, lovebirds!" said Professor McGonagall.

"What?" said Ron, walking by. "Karmonie, are you _really _dating Fred?"

"I am," said Karmonie.

"I did not agree to this," said Fred. "And besides, it's against the Dumbledore handbook."

"The Dumbledore handbook?" Ron asked.

Karmonie handed Ron her copy. "Be gentle! It's an autographed copy!"said Karmonie.

Ron rolled his eyes. Then, he saw the cover picture and burst out laughing. "This is ridiculous!"

"It's full of important rules," said Karmonie.

"LIKE NO DATING!" said Fred.

"Don't worry, Freddy, I'll save you!" said Ron.

Fred gave Ron a weird look. "What do mean by that?"

"Never mind, just run!" said Ron.

"NO! RONALD IS STEALING MY DATE!" said Karmonie.

"I can handle this myself," said Fred.

"We're going to McDonald's!" said Karmonie. "And we'll share a Happy Meal!"

"NO!" said Fred.

"It says in the Dumbledore handbook that students must NOT eat Happy Meals," said Ginny, walking by.

"WHY DO ALL MY SIBLINGS ALWAYS APPEAR WHEN I'M HUMILIATED!" said Fred.

"I'm just wandering the halls aimlessly," said Ginny.

"Ginny, I'm dating your brother, Fred!" said Karmonie.

"Good luck with that," said Ginny.

"Thanks!" said Karmonie. "Freddy, make sure to put on your jacket before we leave!"

"_WE AREN'T _going anywhere," said Fred. "Go away!"

(**WHY would he have a jacket anyway?!)**

Ron was in the corner, cracking up.

"SHUT UP, RON!" Fred yelled.

"Now, who's aggressive?" said Ron, who had to take somewhat unsuccessful anger management.

"He's just mad because_" Karmonie started, but Fred said,

"Don't tell anyone! It's embarrassing!"

Karmonie ignored Fred and proceeded to tell Ron and Ginny about George's "incident".

"BWAHAHAHAH! That's so silly!" said Ron.

"That's gross," said Ginny. "Where is he now?"

"Don't know, don't care," said Fred.

"Yes, you do!" said Ron, punching Fred.

"WHY ARE YOU SO AGGRESSIVE?" Fred yelled.

"WHY ARE YOU?!" Ron snapped.

"I'm not!" said Fred.

"Yeah, right!" said Ron.

"Why did you even come over here?" Fred asked.

"OH! Am I ruining your special time with Karmonie? Were you about to kiss?" Ron teased.

"He's too tall for me to kiss," said Karmonie. "Sadly. WAIT! I'LL go get a stepstool!"

Fred ran away.

"Ugh!" said Karmonie. "I'll never catch him! Oh well, there's still the other one."

"The other one?" Ginny asked.

"Never mind, that's between me and Freddy Bear," said Karmonie.

"Dinner is not provided," said Ron. "It says so in…"

"I know, I know, the Dumbledore handbook. That's why we're going to go to McDonald's instead," said Karmonie, leaning against a wall. "Now, can you bring Freddy bear to me?"  
"No way!" said Ron. "Leave him alone! I'm gonna go find George. YOU should get to class."

"HE'S PROBABLY IN THE BATHROOM!" Karmonie called. "THE GIRLS' BATHROOM!"

Ron shook his head and walked away.

After Ron walked away, Karmonie sat down on the floor. She was there for an hour before…

Professor McGonagall saw Karmonie not moving.

"What art thou doing?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"My date dumped me," said Karmonie.

"But dating is not allowed. Surely Dumbledore told you that?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"He might have mentioned it," said Karmonie.

"Move along," said Professor McGonagall.

"I can't," said Karmonie. "I broke my foot."

"YOU DID NOT!" said Professor McGonagall. "I'm tired of you always pretending that you hurt yourself! Go!"

Karmonie limped away.

"STOP LIMPING, FAKER!" said Professor McGonagall.

"I can't help it! I'm injured!" Karmonie whined.

"Hey, hey, buddy!" said Johnny, who was leaning in a corner near the boys' bathroom that Karmonie walked past.

Karmonie stopped and glared at Johnny.

"What's up?" Johnny asked.

"I hurt my footsie," said Karmonie.

"I hope it gets better," said Johnny.

"Me, too," said Karmonie. "What are you doing?"

"Warning the other boys who walk by that there is an aggressive Weasley camping out in the restroom," said Johnny. "Not that it affects you."

"How much are tickets to go see it?" Karmonie asked.

"WHAT," said Johnny.

"Never mind," said Karmonie.

Harry makes an appearance.

"There's an aggressive Weasley camping out in the restroom. Beware," said Johnny.

"Big deal," said Harry, going in.

"Don't say I didn't warn ya," said Johnny.

Harry came out a minute later, covered in bruises and scratches.

"What did I say?" Johnny said.

"Oh, Harry, there's some red hair in your teeth! Gosh darn, Harry, what did you do?" Karmonie asked.

"Ripped his hair out with my teeth. What else?" Harry said.

"That's awkward and violent," said Johnny.

"You do not know what awkward situation I was in!" said Harry. "Somebody ought to call the police on that guy!"

"Oh, really?" said Karmonie.

"Karmonie, your bros are headed this way," said Johnny. "As for me, I have class. Please ask one of 'em to stand in for me. Bye!"

Johnny then dashed off.

"Somebody does need to warn people," said Harry.

Cleverus and Cedarus walked up with locked arms.

"Uhhh… dudes, why the locked arms?" Harry asked.

"Security purposes," said Cedarus.

"You can never be too safe in a place infested with aggressive Weasleys," said Cleverus.

"Aggressive Weasleys?" Harry asked.

"Yes, quite a few of 'em," said Cedarus.

"Better safe than sorry, dude," said Cleverus.

"You know, their main hide-out is this here restroom!" said Harry.

"Really?" said Cleverus.

"AWESOME, DUDE!" said Cedarus.

"No, not awesome!" said Harry. "I'm all beat up!"

"Actually, I was wondering if one of you dudes would stand guard," said Karmonie.

"NO WAY!" Cleverus and Cedarus said together.

"We have priorities on our schedules, man!" said Cedarus.

Cleverus and Cedarus awkwardly shuffled into the restroom.

Think about it. How easily could you walk while locking arms?

"How are they even going to _go _like that?" Harry asked.

"I don't wanna know," said Karmonie.

"You know what? Me either," said Harry. "But it definitely won't protect 'em from that Weasley!"

"Which Weasley?" Karmonie asked.

Harry walked away.


	13. Epic Balcony Love Scene Fail

The next morning, George did not look happy. Somebody had written on his face in permanent marker. And it said:

_I Luv Fred _

"Karmonie, did you draw on my face?" he asked.

"No," Karmonie lied.

"Who else would write this?" said George.

"Fred," said Karmonie.

"No, I didn't!" said Fred.

"The twins look hot in their pajamas!" said Phoenix.

Gryffin punched her sister.

"Hey!" said Phoenix.

"Don't say that out loud," said Gryffin.

"Now everyone thinks that you love Fred!" said Karmonie.

"I don't!" said George. "And nor do you!"

"You The next morning, George did not look happy. Somebody had written on his face in permanent marker. And it said:

_I Luv Fred _

"Karmonie, did you draw on my face?" he asked.

"No," Karmonie lied.

"Who else would write this?" said George.

"Fred," said Karmonie.

"No, I didn't!" said Fred.

"The twins look hot in their pajamas!" said Phoenix.

Gryffin punched her sister.

"Hey!" said Phoenix.

"Don't say that out loud," said Gryffin.

"Now everyone thinks that you love Fred!" said Karmonie.

"I don't!" said George. "And nor do you!"

"You don't love me?" said Fred.

"I don't!" said George.

Fred ran away crying.

"Nice tattoo," said Ron, walking by.

"SHUT UP!" said George.

"Fred did it," said Karmonie.

"You've gone too far, Karmonie," said George.

"No, I haven't," said Karmonie. "Let's not forget the balcony_"

"NO!" said George. "We will not be discussing that in public!"

"But it happened in public," said Karmonie.

"So what?" said George. "I can't even believe I caught you. I should have let you fall and smash your face in!"

Karmonie ran away crying.

Karmonie left and went up the stairs where she looked down, she saw Fred and George but then Ron got in front of her. She was trying to do the balcony thing AGAIN.

"Get out of my way so I can look at my boyfriends!" said Karmonie. "Aren't they cute, Ron?"

"Umm… no," said Ron.

Karmonie pushed Ron off of the stairs and he fell and landed in Fred and George's arms.

"Ummm… what the heck?!" said the Fred.

"Ronald, where did you come from?" said the George.

"I is a blessing from Heaven," said Ron.

"Umm… nah!" said Fred. He and George dropped Ron and ran away.

"Ugh," said Ron.

"Are you okay down there, Ronny?" Karmonie called.

"No," said Ron.

"Why," Karmonie whined.  
"Hello, you just pushed me off of a balcony!" said Ron.

"It's alright, boo boo. Keep calm and carry on," said Karmonie.

"You're one to speak," said Ron.

"Oh, really?" said Karmonie. "I think I am quite a calm person."

"I don't," said Hermione, coming up behind Karmonie.

"Why not?" Karmonie asked.

"For one thing, I've seen you trying to gouge out your own eyes!" said Hermione.

"Well… my eyes are ugly," said Karmonie.

"You'd be blind," said Hermione.

"Do you want me to take off this bandage?" Karmonie asked in a slightly sarcastic voice.

"Not really," said Hermione.

"I bet you I could still see just fine," said Karmonie.

"Who told you that your eyes are ugly?" Hermione asked.

"RONALD told me to poke my eyes!" said Karmonie.

"Why would he do that?" Hermione asked.

"I deserved it," said Karmonie. "Because I'm quite vicious myself."

"Maybe at times," said Hermione.

"I will take off this bandage," said Karmonie, taking off her bandage.

"Oh, gross," said Hermione.

"It won't be drippy, I promise. Speaking of drippy, did you know that I was peeing while talking to you?"

"Disgusting! Why?!" said Hermione, hurrying away.

"I don't know," said Karmonie. Actually, she wasn't really but she was starting to, which she said and/ or did simply for the sake of driving people away.

Karmonie pulled off the bandage and later looked at her eye in the mirror.

"Well, at least I can see," she said.

Her eye was still slightly splintered. That's what you get when you try to extract protrusions from your mucous membranes all by yourself.

The eyelid was also a bit red and swollen, but otherwise the damage was quite passive.

"I'm beautiful once again!" said Karmonie.

So Hermione was in the library, where she is like, 99.75 % of the time. That's when she found out that Karmonie was apparently there too. And she had dropped off a book of her own.

Hermione picked it up.

_The Diary of Karmonie McReigner. DOO NOTT REED._

"Horrendous spelling as usual," said Hermione. "Ha, I'll just leave it somewhere more obvious. Or maybe I'll… _read it."_

Then Hermione had another thought. "Poor girl. If she even writes like this in her own diary, she must really not know how to spell."

_Deer Diary, _

_Today I wil bee goin tu Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

_So wil my brothers._

_I wunder… wil I hav fun or wil I be a reject lyk I wass att my uld school?_

_I shell fynd owt._

_-Karmonie._

"Oh, man," Hermione thought to herself. "Why am I reading this? Oh well, this is nothing new. She says everything personal out loud anyway."

_Deer Diary,_

_Yessturdai I mett a gurl onn the trayn. Hur name is __Hermynee_

_Hermione. I dont no iff she wil bee nyss. So farr she iz. I also want hurr 2 meat my brotherz._

_-Karmonie_

It appeared that she was keeping her entries pretty short, and it looked like it was a struggle for her to write them.

"Come on! Isn't she like 11?" Hermione thought, skipping through. Almost every page was written on, and the handwriting was pretty messy.

_Deer Diary,_

_Hear r sum things abowt mee:_

_-I like Fred_

_- It is naht okay 2 sleap inn just my undiez_

_- I git good grades_

_I lyk to reed_

_-No one wants 2 b my frend._

"Okay, that's just sad."

_Deer Diary, _

_Tuday I maid a cualdren blow upp inn my fais. Itt wass verry fun, beekuzz thenn I gott eskortid owt uff clas._

_It also gaiv mee blisturz._

_-Karmonie_

"Well, I remember that."

_Deer Diary,_

_School be inn a cassle. It very bigg. U should nott iscape. Big trouble and much detention. I tryd. Than I saw __Hagird _

_Hagrid. He told me to git bak inside. I wass inn a treeeee. Than, I jumpt owt. I landit onn him. I gott a stik through my eye. I was afrayed it would be scared to take it owt, so I left it inn. But then I gitted an infekshun. So I did gitt it out. Also, I had broked my nose, arm and ankul._

_-Karmonie_

"Alright, whatever."

_Deer Diary,_

_Tuday I fell off uff balkunee. Then, my boifrendz cot mee._

_Layturr, I pusht Ronald off. Thay cot himm too._

_-Karmonie._

"What are you reading?" Karmonie asked.

Hermione looked up.

"Nothing," she said.

"It's gotta be something. I see you have a book in her hands," said Karmonie.

Sometimes, Karmonie seemed innocent- in a naïve sort of way.

"Oh, nothing much," said Hermiobe.

"I think I left something in here," said Karmonie. "So I was looking for it."

"Okay, good luck," said Hermione.

As soon as Karmonie had walked off in the opposite direction, Hermione left the diary in another obvious place.


	14. Follow the Butterflies

"Did you read my diary?" Karmonie asked while she was in bed that night.

"No," said Hermione.

"You did," said Karmonie. "That's why I'm asking. Now be honest."

"Okay, I did," said Hermione. "Are you mad?"

"No," said Karmonie. "But I wouldn't have ever expected you to do such a thing. Why would you want to know about my secrets anyway?"

"You just wrote about your day," said Hermione.

"Yes, I did," said Karmonie. "And also, since you've already seen it, I'm done with it."

Karmonie threw her book across the room, and hit Hermione in the head.

Coincidentally, at the exact same time, Ron was also hit in the head with a book in his room.

"OW!" said Hermione.

"That's what you get for meddling in my business!" said Karmonie. "Good night!"

"Pray, I bid to thou another asking, that I shan't offend thou at one approaching time to come?" Hermione said.

"Okay…" said Karmonie, grumpily. "Why doth thy oration reflect such as that of times agone?"

"All speech is but a passing trend, a temporary existence that the mind doth inspire the lips to carry," said Hermione.

"Go on, ask," said Karmonie. "I'm getting sleepy!"

"Didn't anybody teach you to spell?" Hermione asked.

"That's not your business," said Karmonie. "GOOD NIGHT!"

There was a snake lose in the building that night. Just a common pet snake. No one would know where it came from. It was very dark as the snake slithered along the halls, hissing.

Now, it was quite a quiet sound. No one should have been able to hear it. But Karmonie sure did.

"Hermione!" Karmonie cried.

"What?" Hermione groaned.

"Do you hear that? Somebody's in the hallway," said Karmonie.

"Probably a ghost," said Hermione.

"I don't believe in ghosts," said Karmonie. "I mean, I've never seen or heard one."

"Really?" said Hermione.

"Really," said Karmonie.

"I don't hear anything," said Hermione.

"They're whispering things. Violent things," Karmonie whined.

"You must be hallucinating. Go back to sleep," said Hermione.

"But … I'm scared," said Karmonie.

"I can assure you, nothing is out there," said Hermione.

Karmonie snuggled back in bed and didn't wake up until very late the next day.

"Karmonie! Wake up!" Hermione yelled.

"Ugh, five more minutes, mum," Karmonie mumbled.

Hermione whipped Karmonie's blanket off.

Karmonie's foot was sticking out. It was very purple and red and swollen.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" Hermione yelled.

Karmonie pulled her leg up to her face.

"Oh, oh, that…" she said. "Oh, just a Snape bite."

"A WHAT?!" Hermione shrieked.

"Just kidding. Okay, so I was out in the woods, kay?" Karmonie asked,.

"Hopefully not the forbidden forest?" Hermione said.

"Definitely the forbidden forest," said Karmonie. "I've been raising my boo-boo child there all year."

She smirked .

"Your 'boo boo child'?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah. I find this teensy adorable li'l' guy all alone. Only the size of a mouse, he was," said Karmonie, giggling unnecessarily. She was speaking slowly in an unnatural accent.

"Are you alright?" Hermione asked.

"Couldn't be better! Now, lemme finish my story," said Karmonie.

Hermione just stared at Karmonie confusedly.

"He _WAS _little!" Karmonie yelled, foaming at the mouth. "BUT NOW, HE'S HUGE! The size of a grizzly bear!"

"Exactly what kind of animal is this?" Hermione asked.

"Nothing less than the elusive Eyeclaw Scorpion," Karmonie said.

"The what?" Hermione asked.

"Follow the butterflies!" Karmonie squealed.

Then, she went limp and fell off of the side of her bed.


End file.
